Dating can be an exciting and beautiful experience. But when it comes to dating someone who has an avoidant attachment style, it can get a bit complicated. People with avoidant attachment style find it difficult to connect and express their feelings in relationships, creating an emotional wall around themselves that pushes their partner away.
Navigating this early stage of dating an avoidant can be challenging, but it is crucial to approach it with patience, compassion, and empathy. In order to understand why these qualities are essential, let us take the help of past Psychotherapists who have shed light on the subject.
Psychologist Sherry Gaba says, “Compassion and empathy mean that you understand where your partner might be coming from and how they may have come to develop this style of relating.” It is important to understand that someone with an avoidant attachment style may have faced rejection or trauma in relationships, leading to their behavior.
Having a deeper understanding of their challenges can help us distance ourselves from our emotional reactions of rejection and connect us to the person’s situation.
To guide us on how to navigate this situation, here are six ways we can be compassionate and empathetic towards those struggling with avoidant attachment style:
1. Give space: Understand that the avoidant attachment style is not a conscious decision. It is a defense mechanism rooted in their experiences. Sometimes, they may need space and time to process their emotions and feelings. It is important not to force intimacy or expect too much too soon.
2. Be consistent: Inconsistent behavior may trigger anxiety in the avoidant partner, making them reject any attempts to connect. Being consistent in your communication and actions can help them gauge if you are safe and reliable.
3. Be patient: The avoidant may seem too guarded, but pushing them will prove counterproductive. Trust and emotional closeness will happen organically, so be patient with them and appreciate the milestones.
4. Validate their needs: The avoidant attachment style may manifest into some very specific needs. Rather than dismissing them as irrational or illogical, validate them. Let them know that their emotions are important, and you want to work with them.
5. Communicate your own needs: It is important to clearly communicate your own feelings and needs without blaming them. Expressing our needs will help us establish a stronger connection and build a foundation of mutual trust.
6. Seek professional help: Dealing with avoidant attachment style can be challenging, and sometimes it is necessary to seek help from professionals. Talking with a professional who understands this type of attachment can help you better cope with this situation.
The gist of it
The early stages of dating someone with an avoidant attachment style can feel daunting, but responding with patience, compassion, and empathy can go a long way in connecting with and supporting them. “When we can walk alongside our partner, understanding their experience of love and attachment, we become a source of strength and support no matter how hard that attachment pattern attempted to make it difficult,” says Sherry Gaba
